I’ve been writing for a long time. Writing is my passion, but this was still new to me. Writing for a brand new online magazine. Writing my own column. Writing about something I love. It was another way to follow my dream.
I planned out all the pieces I was going to write. I was going to start from pregnancy, move on to my birth story (and my son’s birth story), and then dive into learning how to live life with a newborn. I was going to keep writing about my life as a mom until I reached the toddler years. Essentially, this ensured I would never run out of things to talk about, as life with my son provides an endless source of writing material.
I learned many lessons this year. I learned a lot about my life. I learned a lot about my writing. I learned a lot about myself. I will never stop learning, and I thought I’d share some of the things that I see more clearly now. Not everything is specifically because of this column, but writing has helped me sort out my feelings; it has helped me continually be open to learning.
My humour has finally come out in my writing. I know I’m a funny person. It sometimes comes out in sarcasm, and it sometimes comes out through jokes. I love laughing; I truly feel that laughing is what helps me get through the tough days. I grew up writing short stories and writing in a journal. I often wrote sad stories. My sadness was saved for my stories and my journal. There was a time when my sadness also came out in my real life as well, but it mostly came through my writing. It wasn’t until I started blogging and writing about my life as mom that I realized I could write about the fun things. I could make people laugh with my writing. I can take a completely frustrating moment, and make it funny now. I can thank my son for that. He knows humour is important, even at the age of three. Writing about life with him has truly brought out the playful nature in my writing, and I’m incredibly grateful for it.
I can see my goals more clearly. I know what I want, and instead of sitting around and waiting, I am actively working to reach my goals. I want to be a published author. I want to be a paid writer. I’m not there yet, but I am not giving up. I see what I want. I am on my way there. In the meantime, I will keep writing.
This year, I decided to write… and I’m so glad I did. A couple of years ago, I decided to write every day. I did. I wrote every day for 356 days. I wrote little things. I have a book of prompts. Not all of my writing will go anywhere, but I did it. Since I made myself do this, I’ve been a lot more consistent, although, I do miss a day occasionally now. This year wasn’t about writing every day. It was about writing for me. I have been writing about my life, and my hope is that it inspires somebody else. I hope it means something to somebody. This year, I decided to write about the things that hold meaning, and it’s meant everything to me.
There are two reasons I’ve been able to fight my way through it: my son and my writing. My son keeps me going. I can’t sink into a pile of grief because I have my son to take care of. I had trouble finding the light in the months after I found out about my friend, but my son has always been my light. He always will. As for my writing? As I said, writing heals. Writing is therapy for me. More than anything else, it has helped to write my truth. I’m still working through everything, but I’m dealing with it, and I refuse to keep anything in. Life can be incredibly difficult, but it also really beautiful. Life is tragic and fleeting, and it’s full of wonder and love. We get through it because that’s what we do. I’ve learned more than ever before that in order to get through the bad moments, you have to find the good.
In the past year, I’ve become very passionate about it as well. I love writing for the online magazine, and I love sharing on the social media account. I’m so happy that Casey shared this with me. She’s helped me do something I love. I have connected and met with other writers because of The Sask Press. I’ve been opened up to this amazing world of writers and writing, and it’s been fantastic.
Being a Stay at Home Mom motivates me more to write. I hate being called a stay at home mom. I used to hate telling people I was a stay at home mom because it seemed like it carried such a stigma. I never imagined I would be home all day with my kid. I never imagined I wouldn’t be working outside of the home… and I never imagined I would love it so much. I never would have hit my writing goals if I wasn’t home. I have been given this gift of time with my son, and I am also lucky enough to be able to write from home. I get to be a stay at home writing momma. This is my life right now, and I’m so proud that I’m following through with it. It took me a while to figure out the balance, but I have found it, and I don’t take it for granted. If I don’t write, if I get lazy, or if I procrastinate, all I need to do is remind myself that this is my time to write. I am living my dream right now. I get to follow my dream, while hanging out with my kiddo and his dog… and that’s pretty amazing. I will continue to put pressure on myself because I have this amazing opportunity to write, and I won’t squander it.
I have anxiety. I have had anxiety since my late teens (at least), but I wasn’t able to recognize it until this year. This has been life changing. I’m now able to see what’s happening, and I’m able to do something about it. I’m not always able to stop my anxiety attacks, but I can recognize what is occurring. I know it is the anxiety that causes me to feel this way. It’s been a year of self-discovery, and one of my discoveries has included seeing my anxiety for what it is. I wish I had known what it was a long time ago, but I know now. I’m slowly learning how to deal with it all. I’m learning to take care of myself. My son deserves a healthy mom. This has been one of the biggest issues this year, and I’m happy I am learning more about this. Anxiety doesn’t define me; it certainly has helped to shape me.
I am so proud of this year of learning with The Sask Press. From the end of June until now, I have learned so much. I have seen so much. I have survived. I continue to change. Life continues to change. I continue to become better at my craft. I am gaining deeper insight into who I am and what I want in life. This will continue to take on new meaning as my story continues, but I’m so grateful to have had this opportunity that came during such a difficult year.
I look forward to many more contributions to The Sask Press.